Pining For… Substance

Delightfully Maladjusted

Charmed, I’m sure…not.

Just once, for just one teensy nano second I would like to know what living a charmed life feels like. I have reduced my entire life down to 10 boxes, 1 car and the contents therein. And really, I have no job, no home…seemingly no future (at least not one that I want). So now what? I have no idea. I suppose I could wax poetic about some minimal zen state, and about how the lack of stuff equals freedom and cultivates a free spirit…but “stuff” also provides a routine and comfort sometimes. There is something to be said for familiar surroundings, of which I have little experience with. Nomadic and stressful uprooting is all I know. And at 32 I am pissed that I am still on this poverty merry-go-round. This is a pivotal point in my existence where I am either going to parse out my future options into a wanderer who has no home but flutters on the whims of life or a wage slave with stability. Dreams, plans and career visions are out (and naive, I guess). I just don’t know. Save your platitudes I tell myself, problems don’t get solved that way. And I need to get to a deeper state than that.


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